In This Menagerie

I sit alone in this menagerie of missing you
collecting memories and I love yous
that have fallen on the floor,
not forgotten or ignored...
there's just too many
the shelves have overflowed

I cannot fit all of what you are to me in my hands

There are piles and piles and piles of you
mountains of every touch and every smile
of all the puns I rolled my eyes at
and all the moments you gave yourself to me whole heartedly.

It is not in haunting that you exist
it is in the small moments we used to share
that I am comforted to know there was a time
I called you mine.

It is not in devastation that I mourn
it is in the quiet stillness of your absence
that I yearn for that familiar intimacy
still content to know what it feels like to be truly loved.

And so I sit here
surrounded by you
enveloped by you
reveling in you
and all that you've given me
wishing you were here
because I still need you
I still want you
in small ways I used to tell myself
to never take for granted

because I knew that maybe one day
I'd be sitting alone in a menagerie
of missing you
and I'd be lonely
and I'd want those moments to hang onto

because I love you
and for some reason that's still so surprising to me
to know that I am capable of such strength and vulnerability
to know that trust can be built and kept
and strengthened day after day.
to know that love does not have to end
it can grow and evolve and change
to know that I don't have to give love up
in order to chase my dreams.

And so I sit here
missing you,
And I am grateful for you
and the piles and piles and piles
of love you left with me.